19 years ago at 4:14 am Maui time, my Dad took his final breath.
Grief is a natural part of life. It doesn’t feel good but it is so,
totally, a part of the human experience. I help people go through
grief and all of it’s complexities in my work, and I am guided
through my own experiences. You can’t get through life
unscathed by loss. It’s just how it is. But you can have tools to
work with that help you navigate the multilayered demands of
living the course of life while grieving. In the US, very few people
understand how to be supportive to others who are experiencing
grief. I remember feeling like I was weak for not “bouncing back”
in the days, weeks and even months following my fathers
passing. What I’ve discovered with grief is that the only true way
to get through the grief is to honor it and all of its demands.
It may help to know that when you experience loss of any kind,
and especially a big one, like a the death of a person you love,
the very foundation of what you understand to be true has been
shaken and is now on unstable foundation. Why? Because the
context of what you understand to be true – life with this
significant person or thing being there – has been lost. And now,
a new basis of understanding must be formed. This takes time.
It takes time to rebuild a new understanding of life without this
thing/person.
When my Dad died, I remeber thinking…
This is what it feels like to have my Father at the funeral home.
This is me going to my Dad’s funeral.
This is me seeing his casket in the ground.
This is me and my family without him in the picture.
This is me not being able to call him.
This is me brushing my teeth without my Dad here.
This is my first birthday without him.
This is me going to work without my Dad here.
There were a LOT of things that I did without him.
As we all do when we lose someone or something.
Go on without them/it.
Every second of every day was a new calibration.
I decided to fully embrace the process as it unfolded.
That took a full year.
A full cycle of the planet around the sun to experience all of
life’s holidays, birthday events and activities without my Pop.
Then, magically, it felt like a lid gently closed over the
container of my grief.
Life started to get back to a new normal.
The weight of the loss finally lifted.
My life here continued on.
I can feel my Father in my life every day, supporting me and the
work I do from the beyond the veil.
Without this experience, I would not have this deeply reverent
respect for the grief process.
It has been an excruciatingly beautiful experience.
One that I honor today, on this anniversary of his passing.
I love and miss you Dad!
#grief
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